Monday, April 23, 2012

Deployments Suck

The first time it happened we weren't exactly on the best of terms. I almost didn't move to Georgia with him just months before deployment and if I hadn't I am pretty sure our marriage would not have made it these last 7yrs. But, I decided to save my marriage and be the dutiful wife. Our 3 kids and I sent him off and I survived. I even managed to find a close friend to keep me company during the deployment. When he came home on leave we had a great time in Florida where he knocked me up with our 4th kid. Things seemed to be smooth sailing from that point on. He was deployed for 12 months that time.

The second time was a longer deployment. 15 months. We now had 5 kids. No, I did not have twins when he knocked me up in Florida but we did have a post deployment baby too (making number 4 and 5 Irish twins). We got everyone all decked out in their red, white and blue and we sent daddy off again. We were on much better terms this go around and yet I still did not cry. I knew the life we were living. I handled it just fine the first time, and I would handle it just fine once again. I made it easier on the babies (who were barely 4 months and just over a year old) by ordering a Flat Daddy. If you have no idea what that is, you are definitely missing out. Basically it was a life sized cutout of our hero. We took it every where with us and the kids never failed to kiss Flat Daddy goodnight.

This is now our third deployment and my, my, my has it been hard. I am a hot mess. I think part of the problem is we came from a post where daddy was home whenever we needed him. For two years he was home for dinner, home when the kids stepped on the school bus, home in time to coach his daughter's soccer team and take his son to Scouts. Another part, I think, is that it had been 5 years since we sent him off. Our youngest is now 5 and she is a total Daddy's girl. It may be hard on me to have an empty bed and be the sole care taker of 5 kids but what was it gonna do to my kids who were getting older and wiser? I will be honest, I have cried several times... before he deployed and after he deployed, never in front of the kids and NEVER in front of my husband.

This is hard enough on him as it is without worrying about me surviving another deployment. Don't get me wrong, I WILL survive but dammit, deployments don't ever get easier. In my case they just get worse. In case you were wondering... deployments suck!

And while I appreciate the love, the support and the hugs... here are a few reminders on things to never say to the wife of a deployed Soldier:

1. Oh, I completely understand. My husband works long hours. {FYI: you DO NOT understand unless your husband is IN the military}

2. Wow, that must be hard for you to go so long without sex. {yes, because THAT was what I was concerned about}

3. Is the baby his? {nope, the first thing I did when he left was find the closest dick to get me through the long time without sex... guess I should have been more careful}

4. I don't know how you do it! {Guess what? Neither do we!}

5. You can't be too upset about it, you knew he could get deployed. {Yes I did but that doesn't mean I have to like it... and we are all entitled to a little bitching every now and again... weren't you just bitching about daddy missing little Suzie's play due to a meeting? Thought so.}

6. Suck it up {only other military wives are allowed to say this, everyone else will be bitch slapped}

7. I would be so scared my husband would be killed... aren't you scared? {of course I am! But I choose to not live in fear of the "what ifs" and the "could be's" This is his job, just like a police officer or firefighter does his job. Hell, the pizza delivery guy could get shot or in a head on collision but you don't hear anyone fearing for their lives.}

8. Don't you miss him? {I don't know, do you miss your husband when he works late?! Yes I miss him. Do I let it consume me? No! I have to get on with the every day and do it all on my own. I have kids, pets and bill collectors that rely on me to be the woman I need to be. I can miss him without being consumed by it.. even though lately I am a hot mess but let's forget I told you that}