Thursday, August 30, 2007

I Feel Like A Copycat

There was a lot of ruckus going on last week with a funny woman named Dawn. She posted a lot of Pokemon cards on Ebay and has since gotten a massive amount of attention on her auction and her blog

I was by no means trying to be a copycat but I do feel that way a bit. I started a blog only after reading hers. She has truly been a saving grace to me. When I am at the store and thinking about her stories it puts a smile on my face. That then makes what has made me mad in the first place seem so silly and I get over it quickly.

I am yet again a copycat. Just today I posted an Ebay auction for a Cars DVD and instead of a general "Here is a dvd, brand new, happy bidding" description I told the story of the DVD. Whether it gets any attention or not is another story. I'm just hoping to get some of the $30 it ended up costing me back.

I hope no one thinks less of me. Just wanted to get that out there.

Disclaimer: I realize this wasn't a funny post like my previous blogs but there will be plenty of laughter to follow. Don't you worry your pretty little heads!

Edited to add: Here is the link to my Ebay auction if any of you are interested in it or just want to read the story, that's cool too.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Out and About

Remember the memory thing I was talking about earlier? Yah. Mine's not fairing so well these days and I am really starting to get annoyed by it. Alas, that is not the point of this blog.

Lou had her first outdoor soccer practice this evening. She is playing with a bunch of rich kids and I felt sort of out of place. I do it for her though. She really enjoys soccer and when I found out that I had apparently signed her up I knew I had to let her play. I say apparently because until yesterday I had no idea she was playing soccer. Or that Monkey was too but on a different team and on a different day for both practices and games.

Makes for a busy week but this is what I always dreamed of doing with my kids. Taking them to practices and games for whatever sport they so desired to play. My dreams never included the swarms of gnats or Wadie peeing on the merry go round at the playground though. I also did not think about Munchie's addiction to balls and had no idea that he would scream for them and run circles around me while I was holding Mac and talking on my phone.

All in all, practice went good. The kids enjoyed themselves and I sweated away a few pounds. Guess that last bit doesn't matter since we went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse afterwards. Captain John would be jealous. That is his favorite restaurant.

Dinner was actually pleasant. And by pleasant I mean, there was never a point I wanted to rip my hair out of my head, showcase my kids on the walls like the animals they can be, or cower under the table. Not that there would have been room under the table with as many times as Wadie went back and forth between my side and the kids side.

They were behaving themselves when I got the guestion I was just waiting for. "Are they all yours?" I couldn't help but laugh a bit inside thinking about Dawn and her shopping trip. I let out a little giggle as I said, "I only claim them when they are being good, and today has been okay." I realized after I said that I was probably doomed for a terrible night.

We finished dinner and headed over to Target. I had to pick up some soccer equipment for the kids. I figured I could kill two birds with one stone since we were already there.

I put Mac in the back of the cart. I know, big no no but what can you do with 5 kids? There aren't many options. In my defense, she was in her carrier, she wasn't going anywhere. Munchie got to sit up front and Wadie rode on the back (another no no of course). Lou and Monkey walked. Surprisingly I didn't end up with 50 things I didn't want or need in my cart.

We stopped at the water bottles and they each picked out one. Next was soccer balls. Lou wanted the $20 shinguards but I just couldn't see paying that much for the color pink. I already paid $9 for a salad in the Atlanta Airport just for her to eat the croutons a few weeks ago; I had to draw the line somewhere. Monkey picked out a yellow soccer ball. We finished up with the $4 shinguards and two pair of Adidas cleats. They are the same exact colors and the same exact sizes. Let's hope when they go missing that we don't just find two left shoes.

I was considering finishing up with school shopping. It is ridiculous how much we have to get and even more ridiculous how much it ends up costing. Highway robbery at its finest. I skipped that because Mac was getting cranky and Munchie was trying to imitate Superman. How do you explain to a 1 year old that he can NOT fly?

I pushed my full cart (that was full before I even started shopping) down the center aisle trailed by the three oldest. It's a good thing too because Munchie thought it would be funny to throw everything out of the cart. I couldn't help but think of Dawn on her grocery store trip.

Mom: "Wadie, socks"
Kadie: Hands the socks back to me to put back into the cart and takes off running
Mom: "Monkey, shinguards"
Monkey: Hands back the shinguards and takes off after Wadie
Mom: "Lou, shinguards. Wadie, Monkey, stop right there"
Lou: Hands back the shinguards and tells Munchie "No no"
Passersby: Laugh at the kids running amuck

I was glad to be on the way to the cash registers because I was ready to go home. The kids unloaded the cart. Made my job a bit easier. Wadie tried to talk me into getting her a baby bottle pop. Which wasn't exactly talking by sounded more like this... "YES!!! YES!!! CANDY!!! WAHHHHH!!! NOOOOOOOO!!! YEEEES!!!" She needs to work on her tactics; she didnt persuade me. She actually put the candy back after telling her 6 or 7 times and I got my money out in anticipation of the current damage. I swear I single handedly pay the cashier's paycheck everytime I go in there.

A shopping trip can not be complete though unless one kid has to go to the bathroom and announces it to everyone within ear shot.

Wadie: "I hafta go to da baffrrooooommm"
Mom: "Hold it Wadie, we are almost done"
Wadie: "It bout to come ouuuuuuuuut"
Mom: I look over at Wadie and happen to see a pack of Pokemon cards on the shelf next to her. A big smile comes across my face and I remember that somewhere someone is doing the same thing I am doing and going just as crazy.

Edited to add:
Funny story. Happened while we were in Texas Roadhouse. My mother in law cracked up when I told her so I had to come share even if it doesn't make much sense to you. It is pretty hilarious to us.

We were just finishing up dinner when this man and his wife walked in. The kids were pretty ancy at this point. Munchie was starting to fuss, Mac was in her carseat and not so happy about it, Wadie was crawling under the table and Lou & Monkey were "tired" so they were lying on the bench. The man stopped at the table as if looking at an exhibit at the zoo. He started talking to Munchie then asked "Where's daddy?" I thought for sure one of the kids would tell him but they didn't. Usually we bring "daddy" in with us (we have a Flat Daddy which you can see pictures of at but we didn't bring him in this time). Even with some prodding from me they still weren't chiming in. I told the man daddy was in Iraq at which point Monkey chimes in with "He's in the car." Yes, daddy was in the car but not that daddy. Wadie then pulled my phone out of the diaper bag and upon opening it exclaimed, "Dare's Daddy!" I'm sure the man thought I was nuts, oh well. Kids do say the darndest things sometimes.

Mommy Brain

If you have kids, you know what I am talking about. If not, it means I forget things a whole lot easier now that I am a mom. Something about losing brain cells with every pregnancy. I must say, I agree.

I used to have an excellent memory. I could remember birthdays and phone numbers and addresses. Now I have to check my address book and have even considered buying a birthday book to record all of them. The condition is so bad that it makes me mix up my own kids' names or draw a blank all together.

The kids don't seem to pay much attention when you have to go through the whole list of names and sometimes even the pets' names before realizing who you are actually yelling at, er, I mean talking to. It really frustrates me when we are at playgroup and I can remember every other kid's name but my own. How embarrassing is that?

The point of starting this actually was because just yesterday I was thinking of things I would blog about. My kids were bugging me while I was in the shower while I was thinking of things. While I was driving I had tons of ideas but then my kids started screaming.

I woke up this morning, opened up my blog and poof! All my ideas were gone. I suppose I could tell you my birth story; that got a lot of laughs. I'm sure things will pop into my head randomly throughout the day as well. Guess I better stop trying to make mental notes and pull that pen out of my hair that keeps it up. I can then take actual notes... on my hand.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Dreaded Errands

It doesn't matter how many times you go over the rules, there is always one kid that doesn't follow them. Whether it is in the grocery store, the bank or the post office, the rules are the same and so is the outcome.

I could tell many stories of stressful shopping trips and daunting errands. I've had a child throw up in the grocery store after getting a cart full of groceries and forgetting my savings card. I informed customer service and was trying to get a replacement card when she threw up again. Nice, huh?

Let's not forget all the lost shoes that get taken away by the Kroger fairy seconds after they fall off the innocent child's feet. I really wonder what goes through their minds when they think it is ok to strip in the grocery store.

The best, er, the worst incident occured in the post office about 2 months ago. I had to send 5 packages to my deployed husband. Have you ever tried taking 5 heavy packages and 5 children into the post office all at once? It's not that easy.

I loaded Small and all the packages into the stroller and made the older 3 walk while I pushed the stroller and carried Extra Small in the Baby Bjorn carrier. It never fails that the ones that get to walk are the ones that want to ride and the ones that ride are the ones that want to walk.

I must partly blame myself for what happened next. My packages were not entirely ready. I had to fill out 5 address labels and 5 customs forms. Customs forms are not that easy to fill out especially when you have stuffed the boxes with 600 different items. They don't leave enough space to list that many items and my hand starts to cramp. As I'm filling out the forms, I let Medium sit where the packages had been. I get a compliment from the lady standing in front of me...

Nice lady: "Wow, how do you get them to behave so well?"
Me: "Trust me, its a fluke."

Just as I finish my sentence, the large kid decides he wants to "share" the stroller with medium. Medium did NOT want to share so she pushed Large away. This made large angry and he let out a scream that could wake the dead. He then threw himself on the floor. What's a mom to do? I can't spank him because someone might call child services on me. I can't yell at him because it is still verbal abuse. I can't reason with him because he just can not be reasoned with. I calmly tell him to get up and I write faster.

He stays down on the floor but isn't yelling anymore so I am partly satisfied. Then it happened... some old lady opened her trap.

Old lady: "Could you shut him up?!"
Me: As I turn around unbelieving of what I just heard, "Excuse me?!"
Old lady: "I can not concentrate with all that noise."

Now, my kids were not making much noise aside from the one scream he let out and really, how hard is it to fill out an address. It's not rocket science.

Me: "He is 4 years old! He is mad! What do you expect him to do?"
Old lady: "Just that because that is how they were raised."

Did she really just tell me I wasn't raising my children right?! I was too much in shock and had already made a big enough spectacle that I just turned away. My hand was shaking so bad from her working me up and I swore if she said anything again she would live to regret it.

How was she going to tell my son to shut up? And then to call me a bad mom on top of it. I was actually pretty amazed at how well they did behave. What kid wants to wait in a line at the post office right before lunch time anyways? I guess that's my bad for going at that time but really people, they are just kids.

So you would think I would be scared to ever return to that post office. You would be wrong if you thought that. I do fear ever running into her there again but only because next time I may not be able to bite my tongue.

I went back to the post office today with only 3 packages and all 5 kids. The line was short, the kids were well rested and I was very much prepared. There was a small incident where Large almost had an accident but other than that I was impressed.

Upon finishing my transaction I got a very nice compliment from the postal worker.

Worker: "You have very well behaved kids there."
Me: "Oh thank you." As I look over and smile at them walking away by themselves (I asked them to put something in the mailbox).
Worker: "You must be doing something right, Mommy."
Me: Big smile on my face and in my heart, "thank you." and I walked away.

It always feels so good when the kids outshine themselves and someone notices. It reflects so well on the parents. And I loved how it reflected on me today!

Where do they learn these things from?

Wadie, my almost 3 year old, has been potty trained for a couple of months now. I was very surprised when she went from wearing diapers one day to "undiewears" the next day. She is very good about getting into the bathroom when she needs to go and she can even wipe herself.

Lately though, she has been yelling "I gotta go to da baffroom" or similar rantings. It doesn't matter where we are or who is around; she will just randomly shout out "HAFTA GO PEEEEEEEEE!" I have been telling her, as nice as possible after hearing it six thousand times in one day, that she does not need to announce it to the world, just get in the bathroom.

I have been racking my brain trying to figure out why she is all of a sudden announcing when she has to go potty. I could not for the life of me figure it out until the other night.

I was standing in the kitchen running the water to make Mac (my 9mth old) a bottle. I suddenly had the urge to pee and could not move. (Anyone that has had multiple children know what childbirth does to your muscles down there. If you dont know, it makes them weak and when you gotta go, YOU GOTTA GO!). I kept began mixing the formula in the bottle and the urge only got stronger. Being the silly mom that I am, I shouted "I HAVE TO PEEEEEEE!"

It was like a slap in the face. I think I may have actually said "DOH!" in a Homer voice. I couldn't believe I was being such a hypocrit. So the next time I wonder where my kids learn something from I should probably just step back and take a look in the mirror. Who would have thought the kids would learn things from me that I never intended on teaching them? DOH!