Monday, November 5, 2007

Bringing me back to reality

A tragedy rang out across the birth board that I am a part of. An acquaintance lost her husband unexpectedly. He left behind a beautiful, red-headed toddler daughter. My heart breaks every time I think about that little girl not getting to know her father. It really pulls on my heart strings.

Thinking about the pain that woman is going through really brought me back to reality. I am not a naive person. I set myself up for the worst possible scenario day in and day out. My husband is serving his country in a dangerous place. He has to live and work there for 15 months. I refuse to sit here and think the best because I can not be sure that he will come home to us, so I prepare myself for the worst. Flashes of funerals and what would happen if I received that dreaded knock on the door pop into my head. I can't help that. Don't get me wrong, I do pray for the best... I just will not live in denial. We have already been lucky once and we are not very lucky people.

However, I came to realize I have taken my husband and each day for granted. I don't give him the credit he deserves for taking care of this family. He may not be getting down and dirty and know everything that goes on with this family but he truly is the backbone. Without him there would be no food, no home, nothing. We fight over silly things... I wait for him to instant message or email me... I wait until he says "I love you" first. I can't do that anymore.

What if there is no "next time" or no "later"??? What if the last time we talked was the last time we would ever talk??? Did I tell him I loved him? Did I tell him how proud I am of him? Does he know that he is an important part of this family and means everything to me? Chances are, he knows, but that shouldn't stop me from telling him.

I've decided to make some changes. He may not always get a chance to email me or IM me or call me but I have the time. I can email him whenever I want. If I want to ask him something or tell him a story, I'm going to do it. He may not get it right away but the next time he gets on the computer he will get to hear from me and that says more than a simple "I love you."

We get so wrapped up in our everyday lives we forget about the small things. Holding hands, spontaneous sex, back rubs, cuddling to watch a movie, saying how we feel... we shouldn't put those things off for "tomorrow" because there may not be a tomorrow. And if there isn't a tomorrow... my husband knows now, that I love him more than anything even if I'm not that great at showing it.

I love you baby, come home soon!
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Trick or Treat

and I forgot my camera!!! Can you believe that?? I could have sworn I brought it but when I went to grab it out of the diaper bag it wasnt in there. I was sooooo mad. Of all the things I could forget, I forgot that and the goody bags for the other kids.

Thank goodness for friends with cameras. Jen and Melinda took some pictures for us and they turned out so cute. When we got back to Jen's house I caught something out of the corner of my eye and there it was, my camera sitting on the table. UGH! That made me even more mad. Although like Jen said "I dont know how you are going to take pictures! You already have your hands full."

We went trick or treating around Jen's neighborhood and there werent many houses passing out candy but it was consistent, meaning we didnt have to walk a ways before another house had its lights on. There were also quite a few houses without lights on that were passing out candy, wierd. I was shocked at how many kids didnt have costumes on. Even little kids like Adam's age. Then there was a group of teenagers wearing their backpacks on their fronts to fill with candy and not wearing costumes. When I pass out candy its NO COSTUME, NO CANDY!!! Im going to make a big banner that says that. I think its just ridiculous to not even make an effort. And then the kids are so rude they knock over things in the yard and just walk away. One kid knocked over some bricks in someone's yard and someone else knocked over one of those lawn light things. How hard is it to watch where you are going and to wear a costume??? Then to top it all off there was an ADULT wearing a football jersey and TRICK OR TREATING!!! She was a GRANDMA!!! I heard her say "I wish my grandbabies were with me." OMG, can you believe that??? I thought she was with some kids until I saw her go up to the house we were going to all by herself. It just amazes me that people can do that. I mean I got candy but it was "for sara" you know? Its not like I was going by myself. I think I deserve candy for the hard work I put into that day. Dont you?

They didnt get all that much candy individually but combined it was more than enough. This one house gave us HUGE handfuls of candy, he must have wanted to be done and didn't see any trick or treaters coming behind us so finished off the bowl in our bags. Then right after that there was this haunted garage. The guy had it all decked out with skeletons and black lights and neon paint and a guy dressed as a wolfman was sitting in the corner so when you walked out he would scare you. The guy handing out the candy had a scary mask on, holding a huge machete or something and wearing a butchers coat with "blood" splattered on it. It was cool. I wasnt scared though cause I had to make sure the kids new it was "pretend" even though I didnt really want to go in. The people around that neighborhood really took pride in dressing up. There were quite a few people dressed up. One house was playing scary music and the guy had one of those masks with the hoods and black face (so you cant see them) and huge claws on his hands and passing out candy. Another guy was wearing a scream mask passing out candy. Another guy was Michael Meyers.

The kids were stressing me big time. Jacob was pushing Adam in the stroller and would push him to the driveway, leave him there to go get candy, and then when I would bring Adam to the door Jacob would take off with him before I could get him candy. It was hard taking the whole gang to the door because Lexi and Jacob would get there before us. Most of the time people would realize "Hey its the whole Wizard of Oz gang." This one lady made her hubby come out to see all the kids. Everyone LOVED Sara's costume. Kadie started getting cranky and didn't want to walk anymore so I let Adam walk instead. He was being slow so the group got ahead of us. Jacob took off with Kadie to catch up to the group. When he got around a corner he left Kadie by herself and ran back towards me saying, "Kadie wants you." Luckily my friend Jen saw Kadie by herself and thought I might need some help LoL She asked Jacob where I was and he said "She's not coming." She waited for me and when I caught up everyone was ready to go back. I sent Kadie & Adam back with them and took Lexi, Sara, and Jacob and another girls daughters and nieces (preteens) to get some more candy. After about 15 minutes Jacob and Lexi were tired and wanted to go back. We ran into another friend of Jen's who took them back and I kept going with the other girls. We were out until about 9 but that haunted house was our last house cause the one girl had to potty so we had to rush back. I took my shoes off because my feet were killing me and walked all the way back in my socks.

Every halloween I wish I owned a golf cart so when we are finished I can just drive us all back. Must be what the people who drive their kids around are thinking. Golf carts aren't quite as lazy or dangerous, in my opinion, though.

Ok, so I know this story pretty much sucked and was me pretty much rambling, I apologize for that. But hopefully these pictures make up for that...

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