Bringing me back to reality

A tragedy rang out across the birth board that I am a part of. An acquaintance lost her husband unexpectedly. He left behind a beautiful, red-headed toddler daughter. My heart breaks every time I think about that little girl not getting to know her father. It really pulls on my heart strings.

Thinking about the pain that woman is going through really brought me back to reality. I am not a naive person. I set myself up for the worst possible scenario day in and day out. My husband is serving his country in a dangerous place. He has to live and work there for 15 months. I refuse to sit here and think the best because I can not be sure that he will come home to us, so I prepare myself for the worst. Flashes of funerals and what would happen if I received that dreaded knock on the door pop into my head. I can't help that. Don't get me wrong, I do pray for the best... I just will not live in denial. We have already been lucky once and we are not very lucky people.

However, I came to realize I have taken my husband and each day for granted. I don't give him the credit he deserves for taking care of this family. He may not be getting down and dirty and know everything that goes on with this family but he truly is the backbone. Without him there would be no food, no home, nothing. We fight over silly things... I wait for him to instant message or email me... I wait until he says "I love you" first. I can't do that anymore.

What if there is no "next time" or no "later"??? What if the last time we talked was the last time we would ever talk??? Did I tell him I loved him? Did I tell him how proud I am of him? Does he know that he is an important part of this family and means everything to me? Chances are, he knows, but that shouldn't stop me from telling him.

I've decided to make some changes. He may not always get a chance to email me or IM me or call me but I have the time. I can email him whenever I want. If I want to ask him something or tell him a story, I'm going to do it. He may not get it right away but the next time he gets on the computer he will get to hear from me and that says more than a simple "I love you."

We get so wrapped up in our everyday lives we forget about the small things. Holding hands, spontaneous sex, back rubs, cuddling to watch a movie, saying how we feel... we shouldn't put those things off for "tomorrow" because there may not be a tomorrow. And if there isn't a tomorrow... my husband knows now, that I love him more than anything even if I'm not that great at showing it.

I love you baby, come home soon!