Friday, March 25, 2011

No Good at Anything

That's right... I am admitting I have a problem. A problem with committment. I may still be with my husband after 10 long, crazy, emotional, amazing years... but I still have a problem keeping up with anything. I did a 30 day photo challenge... missing a day somehow, I start diets and exercise programs all the time but before long they are non-existant, I become the perfect housewife for a day or two then I am back to my lazy self (you know, as lazy as a person with 5 kids can be) and I love working outside of the home for a short period of time but after awhile I am done. I must say though, I didn't quit this time (for a change).

I may have said this before, but sometimes I just need to pour on the self pity to get myself out of a rut I am in. I hate when people worry about me. I hate when people try to cheer me up when I am in a bad mood. I hate being told to calm down or smile or unwind when all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs. Some days I am in such a bad place that the littlest things set me off. Everything and everyone annoys me. I am afraid on those days that I will say things that I don't mean... or worse, that I do mean. And I know you all know what I mean by that.

Today is just one those days where everything is okay but nothing feels right. I feel like the worst mom for yelling at her kids on their way out the door to school. I feel like a terrible wife for not wanting to kiss her husband because that is how bad my mood is but doing so out of obligation. I feel like a crappy friend for not wanting to talk or hang out or really do anything that involves people. I feel like everyone and everything in my life is suffering because every other day I am in a foul mood that is unexplainable.

I don't have a problem or feel bad when I am all pissy for a reason. Had I not slept all night or I was fighting with my husband or everything was going wrong, then I wouldn't feel like dirty dishwater. And to top it off, I'm not even sure what the means.

Maybe I am just stressed out because of the move. We finally found out we are moving to Washington State this summer and it is going to be a big move. But that's a subject for a future post. So while I am no good at keeping up with this blog, I do have plans to get back to it. I hope everyone can bear with me as I continue on this rollercoaster ride of a life I am living. And I hope at least some of you are glad to have me back :)

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