Deployments Suck

The first time it happened we weren't exactly on the best of terms. I almost didn't move to Georgia with him just months before deployment and if I hadn't I am pretty sure our marriage would not have made it these last 7yrs. But, I decided to save my marriage and be the dutiful wife. Our 3 kids and I sent him off and I survived. I even managed to find a close friend to keep me company during the deployment. When he came home on leave we had a great time in Florida where he knocked me up with our 4th kid. Things seemed to be smooth sailing from that point on. He was deployed for 12 months that time.

The second time was a longer deployment. 15 months. We now had 5 kids. No, I did not have twins when he knocked me up in Florida but we did have a post deployment baby too (making number 4 and 5 Irish twins). We got everyone all decked out in their red, white and blue and we sent daddy off again. We were on much better terms this go around and yet I still did not cry. I knew the life we were living. I handled it just fine the first time, and I would handle it just fine once again. I made it easier on the babies (who were barely 4 months and just over a year old) by ordering a Flat Daddy. If you have no idea what that is, you are definitely missing out. Basically it was a life sized cutout of our hero. We took it every where with us and the kids never failed to kiss Flat Daddy goodnight.

This is now our third deployment and my, my, my has it been hard. I am a hot mess. I think part of the problem is we came from a post where daddy was home whenever we needed him. For two years he was home for dinner, home when the kids stepped on the school bus, home in time to coach his daughter's soccer team and take his son to Scouts. Another part, I think, is that it had been 5 years since we sent him off. Our youngest is now 5 and she is a total Daddy's girl. It may be hard on me to have an empty bed and be the sole care taker of 5 kids but what was it gonna do to my kids who were getting older and wiser? I will be honest, I have cried several times... before he deployed and after he deployed, never in front of the kids and NEVER in front of my husband.

This is hard enough on him as it is without worrying about me surviving another deployment. Don't get me wrong, I WILL survive but dammit, deployments don't ever get easier. In my case they just get worse. In case you were wondering... deployments suck!

And while I appreciate the love, the support and the hugs... here are a few reminders on things to never say to the wife of a deployed Soldier:

1. Oh, I completely understand. My husband works long hours. {FYI: you DO NOT understand unless your husband is IN the military}

2. Wow, that must be hard for you to go so long without sex. {yes, because THAT was what I was concerned about}

3. Is the baby his? {nope, the first thing I did when he left was find the closest dick to get me through the long time without sex... guess I should have been more careful}

4. I don't know how you do it! {Guess what? Neither do we!}

5. You can't be too upset about it, you knew he could get deployed. {Yes I did but that doesn't mean I have to like it... and we are all entitled to a little bitching every now and again... weren't you just bitching about daddy missing little Suzie's play due to a meeting? Thought so.}

6. Suck it up {only other military wives are allowed to say this, everyone else will be bitch slapped}

7. I would be so scared my husband would be killed... aren't you scared? {of course I am! But I choose to not live in fear of the "what ifs" and the "could be's" This is his job, just like a police officer or firefighter does his job. Hell, the pizza delivery guy could get shot or in a head on collision but you don't hear anyone fearing for their lives.}

8. Don't you miss him? {I don't know, do you miss your husband when he works late?! Yes I miss him. Do I let it consume me? No! I have to get on with the every day and do it all on my own. I have kids, pets and bill collectors that rely on me to be the woman I need to be. I can miss him without being consumed by it.. even though lately I am a hot mess but let's forget I told you that}

Dream, Dream, Dream

I have been known to have some crazy dreams. Most of the time I remember them in vivid detail but lately I have been forgetting them as soon as I wake up. I have read that if you keep a dream journal next to your bed and write in it as soon as you wake up that you will remember your dreams better. I have done this several times. In fact, I love going back and looking at some of those crazy dreams and looking up the meanings of the things I encountered in my subconscious.

A while ago I had a dream that I was sitting on an indoor beach watching Robert Pattinson film a movie. While I do like Twilight, I am not particularly a Robert Pattinson fan so sitting around watching him is not really my idea of fun. Anyway, as I am leaving the movie set I run into Chucky. You know, the demonic, walking, talking, I will gut you like a fish for fun, psycho doll from Child's Play. I actually used to love those movies when I was younger. I remember seeing one of them in theaters but as I got older and they came out with My Buddy (which was eerily similar to Chucky), I started to develop a fear of him. I couldn't look at My Buddy without freaking out and my siblings and cousins took full advantage of that. They tortured me with that stupid doll and thus setting the fear in me for years to come. If I ever saw the movie box at the store, I would jump or scream or cover my eyes in a panic. And no doubt, that night, I would have a dream about him trying to kill me. I would wake in a panic and not be able to get back to sleep. That all changed with this dream with Robert Pattinson and Chucky. I am not quite sure what was going on in the dream but I remember I was running through a city trying to save my kids. I did not want Chucky to find them. As I was rounding a corner I came face to face with the demon doll. He attacked me but this time I did not wake up in a panic... this time I grabbed that little doll and I kicked the shit out of him. I beat him until there was nothing left to beat. I tackled my fear, literally. Ever since then I have not been nearly as terrified of that face. If I see the movie box in the store, I look away. I mean, let's face it, the doll is ugly. But it does not prompt nightmares and I am so glad for that cause nightmares suck... especially when the Army makes you sleep alone so often.

So yeah, I have some crazy dreams. And two nights ago was no different. What I remember only comes in spurts but if I start telling you about it I will probably start remembering more. Usually as I am telling John about the crazy things my mind comes up with while I am sleeping I start saying things like, "Oh, and before that." and "I almost forgot, but..." So what do you think it means when you are standing on the stairs and a 600lb bull comes running down the stairs and squishes you against the railing? This is how my dream started out. Then as I am there with my personal space over run by a big black bull, my step dad comes up and says that if this bull wins the competition that he will give me $1 for every pound it weighs. Okay! The next thing I know I am in my van on a dirt road when a train comes along. The engineer yells that she has already cleaned that side of the road so to watch out for oncoming cars. Apparently I was in a town where they turn it into an old western town, which is why the roads were covered in dirt but the train comes through the clean it all up. Suddenly I am surrounded by vehicles with John's grandparents following closely behind me with his granddad on the phone the whole time and two of my mom's aunts close in front of me, only they are driving backwards and yelling at me that I have the wrong kind of tires on my car. They are also asking about my jewelry that I explain was my grandma's. I some how lose the old people but now I am in a trailer with my kids, and my friends' kids and I am scared for my life. People were coming to kill me. People I knew... family... friends... they were coming to kill me. So I grabbed a shoe, some other stuff and lastly some knitting needles. Those would end up being my weapon of choice. I held them in my hand and waited for my assailants to come in. I stayed close to the wall watching out the window and listening at the door. Then the door opened and I cowered in the corner with my knitting needles in hand. A man with something underneath a blanket came close to me and I feared for my life. Another guy that came in with him told me to relax and that I would like what was underneath the blanket. And I did... it was a baby. A cute, little, black, baby boy. I don't know where it came from but I don't care. Then I remember the events from earlier in the day. I was sitting with a friend that just found out she was pregnant. In just four hours she went from 4 weeks to 38 weeks and she was ready to have the baby at any moment. She wanted to be left alone so I got her some warm, wet blankets and I left her in the bathtub to have her baby. This cute little baby must be hers. Then I find out that my bull did not win his competition. He spazzed out and didn't even compete. That is when I wake up. And I am left with the feeling that I slept like crap and that a bull was sitting on my lower back. Stupid bull.

Anyway, that leads me to a dream dictionary site that I often to use to look up what these things mean. It is interesting to put your subconscious thoughts into your real life and see that it actually makes some crazy kind of sense. So if you want to look up what it means to dream about a bull or a doll or a baby then head over to http://www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary/ they have all kinds of insight into our subconscious images. Oh, and don't be surprised to hear about more of my crazy dreams.

3 Leap Years

In January of 2000 I started talking to this really great guy. I knew him from high school but we didn't really hang out much then. Actually, our Freshman year of high school we were both in JROTC and he asked me to the military ball that year. I remember my grandma taking me to buy a dress and to get my hair done. I looked amazing for a dorky 15yr old with Koolaid streaks in her hair. My date was pretty dorky too... and I have the picture to prove it! However, he ended up getting a girlfriend just two weeks prior to the ball and while he still took me, I didn't see him all night.

Anyway, we started hanging out a lot right around my 19th birthday. And while we were just friends, we flirted a lot. We teased each other (I joked that he should be my boyfriend), we looked out for each other (I asked him to tag along on my blind date, just in case LoL) and we even held hands during a scary movie (Scream 3, yes I am a chicken!). Even with all that, I still was not really interested in him as a boyfriend. He was a great friend and a great guy but my heart belonged to someone else.

A month or so later my heart was broken. The guy I liked, that I thought liked me, just wasn't interested. I was reading all the signs wrong and I was the only one that didn't see he was not the one for me. I was the only one that couldn't see what was right there in front of me. That guy that chaperoned my crazy date... that guy that held my hand when I was scared... that guy that I joked with on a daily basis.

So on the night of February 28th, as we all sat around the apartment having a great time, I finally admitted to a friend that I might like him more than just a friend. She then took it upon herself to push us together... literally. She pushed me into his lap as I got close to him. I still wasn't sure if this was right. Yes, he was amazing. Yes, he was a great friend. I just didn't know where I wanted it to go. He made that easy though.

Sometime after midnight he asked me if I would go on a date with him. He wanted me to be his date to the military ball! 5 years after the last ball he ditched me at and now he wanted to take me to another. I laughed. Was he serious? I didn't want to be made a fool of again, so I said, "I don't know. Depends if you are going to get another girlfriend before the ball." And being quick witted and oh so smooth, he responded with, "Well what if my girlfriend is you?" How do you say no to that?! YOU CAN'T! And I didn't.

On that leap year in 2000 I became his date to another military ball... and I also became his girlfriend. Who would have known that 12 years later we would still be telling this story? Still debating over who ditched who at that first military ball. Still laughing about me joking about being his girlfriend. If you asked me 12 years ago where I would be today I don't think I would have said married to the boy who ditched me at a high school dance. Yet here we are. Happily married for almost 10 years, together for 12 and 5 kids, 2 dogs and 3 states later.

Through the good, the bad, the funny and the sad, I love you more than words can say. I cannot imagine what my life would be without you in it. Happy 3rd Leap-iversary, John C. Whitehead!

Why, Hello There!

It has been almost 5 months since I last posted. So much has happened that the outside world just does not know about...

For instance, did you know that my husband did NOT deploy in December like I previously reported?! Nope! He is still here with us. Prior to moving here to Washington we were under the impression he would be deploying this spring. Then we got here and they changed it to December. We were bummed that he would be gone before our Christmas vacation plans but then that changed too. The rest of his unit was deploying but he was staying back with a handful or so of others. Then they announced the remainder of the unit would be following this spring (yup, back to the spring again)... most likely the end of April. So yeah, he will be deploying soon. When? Well, I can't say exactly... and not because of operational security reasons but because WE STILL DON'T KNOW! Frustrating is an understatement. Yesterday I thought I knew when he was leaving and now today that changed. I know, I know, take everything the Army says with a grain of salt and don't believe it until it's actually happening. Trust me, I know all this. We still have not had this short of notice, or this many changes happen within a single unit in the entire 8yrs we have been an Army family. I imagine I will survive though. It would just be nice to know how much longer my husband will be home with us :)

On another note, that Christmas vacation I mentioned earlier... I posted about that previously as well. I mentioned that we wouldn't get to go because of the Army wanting us to pay back $6100 that they advanced us that we had no way of proving that we were entitled to because of the moving company's mistake. Well, we went on our Christmas vacation! My sister surprised the kids in California, we stayed at an amazing resort and had a great time at Disney and Universal. I got to meet a wonderful photographer (and great internet friend) and we had our family pictures done in Downtown Disney. They turned out GREAT! I was so excited to see them and I knew she would not disappoint. Our trip was expensive but well worth it. The kids really enjoyed it but man did I miss the traditional Christmas stuff with our family back in Ohio.

As for the issue with needing to pay back the Army for our DITY move, that is coming to an end this next month. We finally got a "bill" from the Army asking (HA!) for their money back. Thankfully we had it put into savings just for this reason. ABF paid us back in full for our entire move and even went above and beyond (after much deliberation) and sent us a check for an extra $2000. Of course that was not a negotiable amount... it was either take it, or leave it. We took it just so we could end the back and forth and get on with life. I am highly disappointed that all that money will have to go right back to the Army and that we got NOTHING out of moving ourselves (the only reason we even did a DITY move was for that extra money) but at least we got the moving company to cover our butts so that we can pay the Army back and not meet any financial burden. That is a big weight off our shoulders.

That is about all that has happened in regards to things I had previously posted about. Life around here is hectic as usual and with hubby deploying soon I imagine I will get back to a regular blogging routine. I am even thinking about starting up a new blog. So, I hope there are still some of you out there that like reading this drivel that I post.

Rampage 5k Obstacle Run

This past Saturday I ran in my first 5k. Not only was it a 5k but it was an obstacle run complete with hurdles, hay bales, a giant slip & slide and a huge mud pit! I signed up for this race about a month ago and I did pretty much NOTHING to prepare for it. However, I was too excited to back out.

I met up with some online friends Saturday morning to stretch and loosen up prior to the race. I had never met them in person before but they are some pretty awesome ladies. Most of them have been working out and getting ready for this but we were all there to have fun.

John and the kids and our best man from our wedding, Nick, were there to cheer me on. The kids were even more excited than I was, I think. Hubby brought the camera to get some good pics of the obstacles you could see and the embarrass me later on HA!

At 945 we lined up for our 10am heat. The front was for those that wanted to run it... the back was for those that wanted to walk it... we found our place right in the middle. A couple of us were more of the running type so they ran on ahead when the heat started but for the most part, the rest of us stayed together.

We started our run up hill and waving at my cheering squad on the side lines. From there we made our way into the woods where we went up hill, down hill, over logs and around trees. I preferred the downhill part :p So far I was doing great. I was keeping up a pretty good pace and we were all staying together nicely. After making our way out of the woods and losing two of or friends for a bit as we made our way through a local neighborhood we found our selves facing what was supposed to be 20ft "sewers" but seemed way shorter. A short jog around the corner brought us to the cargo climb where we caught up to Amanda & Randi who took some pics of us going over the top of the obstacle and we all took another short jaunt through the woods.

Upon coming out of the woods we were instructed to run down the hill to ring the cowbell, then run back up. This is where I really started to feel the pain. My side was cramping like crazy and it was rough to keep up the running so I started walking more and more. Randi & Amanda really started to get ahead of us here but Bekah & her husband stayed far enough behind that I could catch up when I was ready. When Bekah was running, I was walking and vice versa so we pretty much stayed together the entire time. Her hubby was even nice enough to wait on her even though she said he could go on ahead. We then met us up with Spiderman and his web in the woods. All the runners helped each other out by holding down on the rubber web in some spots and holding it up in other spots. It was fabulous team work :) We had finally caught back up to Amanda & Randi who were helping with the web too. You could tell everyone was having a great time.

As we made our way out of that set of woods we were greeted by family members and cheering squads, including mine. I was not expecting that and it was great to hear all my kids yelling for me and waving at me. Sara even followed along the side of the sand dune as I went up and over. She even tried following us onto the race path but was quickly stopped. The run to the next obstacle was tough. I was having a hard time running, I was having trouble breathing and it was the biggest space between obstacles yet. We finally made it to the tires and it was probably the easiest obstacle but we were also about half way through already!

Next up was the super slide... basically a giant slip and slide. Everyone kept saying you needed to get a good run going before hitting that thing or you would get stuck. I took off on my run with every intention of going belly first down the slide but I chickened out and hit my knees first. I quickly hit my stomach after that but it didn't really help. I started to get stuck about half way down and had to push myself down. It helped that the people behind me were bumping into me to get me down the remainder of the slide. It was fun but wish I'd have gone faster. I helped the lady behind me get off the slide and I headed up and over the hay bales. John yelled for me to pose at the top and I did. It's one of my fave pics from the race LoL Running with soaking wet clothes was not that fun. I could hear my pants and shoes squeaking and I was a little worried about chafing but was having too much fun to completely care.

The junkyard jump was next. It consisted of 4 cars, side by side and bumper to bumper. I climbed up on the bumper of one and hopped from hood to hood. Luckily I didn't slip off or twist my ankle since everyone climbing over was wet from the slide. However, I did slip on the hurdles that we came up to after that. Thankfully I didn't get hurt, although there was potential for it. Bekah decided she wasn't going to attempt to jump over the barriers while I thought, what the hell, I am here so I am doing it and I did. I got my foot up on the first barrier and it slipped off making me straddle the hurdle. If I was a man it would have hurt so bad but since I am not and I anticipated my foot slipping I was prepared and didn't injure my lady parts. I cleared the next hurdle no problems :) We were quickly approaching the final two obstacles and I could taste the victory.

I spotted my cheering squad as the fire came into view. They were all yelling for me to keep running since they noticed I was alternating between walking and running and I humored them by dramatically leaping over the fire. Unfortunately, no leg hairs were singed... probably cause I was still wet from the slip 'n slide. I am sure they planned it that way for safety reasons but dammit, I was hoping for some cheap beauty maintenance LoL

Last but not least of the obstacles was the mud pit which was the most anticipated obstacle for me. I was ready to get dirty. I disappointed the hubby cause I didn't dive in. I started out crawling because the fake barbed wire was high enough for that but for the last one I went straight in, army crawl style even splashing mud into my mouth. Yummm. As I was climbing out of the mud I noticed Bekah coming out on her back and her front was way too clean so I picked up some much and threw it at her. Amanda & Randi were also waiting for us which was nice. I also made sure everyone had plenty of mud on their faces and gave my kids a high five as I made my way to the finish line.

Amanda & Randi went on ahead to finish in about 44 minutes with Bekah, her husband & I not too far behind at about 47 minutes. I jogged my way across the finish line and threw my hands in the air. I DIDN'T DIE! That was all I cared about HA! My first thought upon finishing the race was that I wanted to crash on the grass right there but I didn't. I stayed on my feet and went to get rinsed off. Not before giving my hubby a muddy kiss and wiping some mud on Nick's cheek. I love those boys! Heehee!

The water truck allowed us to rinse off with the coldest water they could conjure up but it didn't bother me. I stripped out of my teeshirt, shoes and socks and soaked myself from head to toe to rinse off. You'd think I'd be freezing but I wasn't. I think I was in a state of shock that I actually finished the race in under an hour and survived it. Even today my legs are hardly sore even though at times I can feel it. I did it! My husband is proud of me, my friends are proud of me, but most importantly... I am proud of me!

Back on Facebook

As of mid Sunday, I am back on Facebook. My break didn't last long but it was long enough. Besides, a lot of my favorite people are there and we don't want anyone needlessly worrying about me :)

I am determined to stay off as much as I can. If my kids are not allowed on the computer until their jobs are done, then the same should apply to me. I may make the rules, but I should have to follow them too... right?! I never was big on rules, actually, but if I expect my kids to follow them, I need to lead by example.

So when the kids are home, I won't spend all that time I used to one the computer. I will do all my jobs as a mom and make sure they are getting their jobs done too. We will do more stuff together and if they can change their behavior then I can say yes to more things, rather than no all the time.

The first step in fixing a problem is admitting you have one... so here is my confession... my name is Bri and I have a Facebook addiction. If I get on the computer that is the first place I go. I have a habit of making sure I am all caught up before signing off again. I don't want it to affect my home life and vice versa. But I won't be giving it up again any time soon because that's where my friends live!

Weekend Summary

I posted on Saturday about the kids not playing in their soccer game... and they didn't. They wore their shirts with jeans and sat on the sidelines watching their team play. Actually Lexi watched, we cheered and Jacob played around because he cannot sit still! But, I think my point was made. If they cannot change their behavior then they cannot do the things they want to do... like play soccer. One of the other dads was bummed that Lexi wasn't playing because he likes watching the only girl hold her own against the boys. Their team ended up losing 8-3 but it was a pretty good game, none the less.

Before soccer we went to our friend's house to watch the Buckeyes kick some butt... FINALLY! They haven't exactly been playing very well but we still watch. It's always a good day when they win though. Everyone is always in a much better mood :)

After soccer we ran home to get the corned beef I had in the crock pot. On the way back to our friend's house the full crock pot spilled on the floor at my feet. The next time we turned and it tried to spill I did my best to stop it but I forgot to use the pot holder and burnt my finger. It hurt like a biatch but it was worth it because we love hanging out with Nick & Helena. So even if that meant I had to keep a close watch on the hot crock pot the entire 30 minute drive through winding roads, that was okay because they are awesome, and worth it.

They don't have any kids but the kids love "Uncle Nick" and "Aunt Hena" so they love going over there. They keep candy and juice boxes on hand. They have a Wii & tons of kids movies. And my favorite thing about them... they are bad asses! They would make awesome parents. It melts my heart when they put the kids in their places instead of coddling and giving in to them like most other adults.

Anyway, we enjoyed some whiskey slush and some delicious corned beef. Not that I am being biased to the dinner I made, but I was told so by everyone that it was yummy. It always makes me happy to know other people are enjoying my food. It's even better when Lexi eats it... and she did!

After dinner I have no idea what we did HA! We sat around talking... oh and we made s'mores with the kids. Uncle Nick lit a fire and us ladies helped the kids roast marshmallows and put together their snack while the guys watched football & drank beer in the house. So typical LoL

Kadie was tired and ready to go home right after that so we got everyone ready and as I was walking out the door, John offered to let me stay and go out with Helena since she had been more than hinting at it all night. He would take the kids home and I could crash at their place. I was tired, and not really in a going out mood, but how could I pass that up! He was giving me an out. An out that I really, really, really needed after the last couple of weeks I have been through. So I took it.

Helena and I went to the bar for some drinks and karaoke... although we didn't actually do any karaoke. We just sat at the bar with a steady flow of drinks. We used the cash we had to buy some pull tabs and we each won $1 that we spent on more pull tabs HA! The guy next to us won big from the same set of pull tabs that we were pulling. Such a bummer, but we were happy for him! We also had some amazing bread sticks and had a good laugh when the bartender accidentally changed the channel to Barney. I was feeling pretty good and actually cheered, cause I <3 Barney and I made him change it back so I could get a quick picture. I was actually pretty sober for having drank so much but Helena was another story. I decided it would be best if I drove home or else we were getting a cab.

We got back to the house and I watched some movies on tv with Nick while she pecked at the keyboard on her phone. It was hilarious watching her focus with one eye closed and using one finger punching one letter at a time. She ended up falling asleep with her phone in her hand too! Been there, done that... and those seem to always be great nights, at least at the time. Hind sight might prove other wise but, eh, what can you do.

Then on Sunday, Nick and I headed to a bar to watch some football while we waited for John to come get me. John brought the kids and we had a yummy breakfast that ended up costing us $60! The kids meals were $6 each so I ordered a la carte items for them. Unfortunately, the cost of drinks at this place are $2.74! Yes, almost $3 for a kid sized drink... and we had TWO FULL CUPS that weren't refills still sitting on the table when we left. Thankfully everyone enjoyed their brunch (since most had already eaten breakfast and it wasn't lunch time yet) or else I'd have been pretty pissed about the cost. I'll remember to order water with lemon & sugar next time we go... make them some lemonade for FREE instead of spending $3 per person on fountain pop. Anyway, it was a nice morning out with the family (and Nick!)

So I had an amazingly fun weekend with some amazingly awesome people. Thank you to my hubby for being okay with me staying even though we had a new puppy at home. Thank you to Helena for really wanting to go out because we all know I needed that break from reality. Thank you to Nick for making sure I had a place to crash and Gatorade for rehydrating in the morning. I couldn't ask for better people in my life. Love you all!

Soccer Saturday

Today is the kids' 3rd soccer game here in Washington and they won't be playing. Not because we will be out of town. Not because we have some prior commitment. But because of their behavior this week. In fact, this will be the first time they have missed a soccer game for this reason. I just couldn't let it slide though.

They have been exceptionally rude and disrespectful all week. Listening has proven quite difficult. Fighting has been a daily occurrence. And the back talk, in heavy supply. As you probably saw from my last post... this week has not been much fun around here. However, that is going to change.

That change starts with mama sticking to her guns. I will not bend on this. While I am incredibly sad and disappointed that I will not get to see them play with their team, I know that me bending is not what is best here. They deserve to learn real consequences for their actions and know that when I say something, that is what goes.

So I will sit on the sidelines cheering on Yelm Storm while my children sit on the bench for the entire game. I hope that this teaches them something and that they will be ready to listen and behave next week. I do not plan on them missing out on any more soccer games this season but I will not hesitate to take that away either if their behavior continues down this path.

On a similar note... the three little ones start their games on Thursday and they couldn't be more excited. I am a little worried about being in two places at once but I think I can dig out my supermom cape by then. Lexi and Jacob practice from 6-715 with their coach requesting they arrive early to warm up and the other three practice from 6-630 with a 30 minute game to follow. Luckily the two fields are not far apart. We will see how it goes.

One Week

It's been one week since my last blog post. Other than wanting to sing the Bare Naked Ladies song, I now feel like I'm introducing myself at an AA meeting. And if I was a weaker person, this week may have driven me to drink... or smoke... or well, let's not think about anything else that could have happened.

I haven't given up who I am but I am finding it hard to be the outside me, while the inside me is screaming in agony. Every once in awhile that dark soul rears her ugly head and she can be found complaining on Facebook. Generally, that is all she needs to be put back in her place but this week has been different.

It seems that one thing after another is making her... making me... crazy. In the grand scheme of things, nothing major has happened. No one has died. We still have a roof over our heads. Money isn't really a problem. The kids are healthy. Our marriage is intact. Still I am finding it hard to handle the petty crap I have to deal with on a day to day basis.

The petty crap that is my children misbehaving. Their behavior has progressively gotten worse as the school year drags on. Our summer was less stressful than this and I am one of the moms that cannot wait for school to be back in session. You can call me selfish, or unfit to be a mom but you won't be saying anything new or nothing I haven't thought at one point or another. My point is, this is who I am. For the most part I enjoy my kids when they are home, but I need that 6hr sanity saver that is school. Besides that, it wouldn't do them any good to stay home anyway. I am not a good teacher. John is way better than I am and he has to work to support the 7 of us (9, if you include the dogs!). It just isn't fair to them or to me which is why they go to school and why one of my favorite times of year is Back2School time!

Anyway, it's just been a hellish week. On top of the kids behaving worse than they have in a long time, we also have the issue with ABF, the moving company we used for our DITY move to Washington. Long story short, they never got the weight tickets that we specifically asked (and paid) for. No weight tickets means we have no paperwork to turn in to transportation. No paperwork to turn in to transportation means our advance needs to be paid back and we won't get the rest of the money we are owed for doing a DITY move. After 6wks of trying to figure this out we get an email from our ABF contact that they will be refunding our money. That sounds reasonable, right? Except for one little tiny factor... what we paid them is not the same amount that we received in our advance from the Army. It's about $1100 short. That means once we get this $5000 back we then have to turn around and pay the Army that money plus the other eleven hundred on top of it. And there goes our Christmas vacation which we had planned with the other $4000 that we are no longer getting from the Army due to the ABF driver's failure to DO HIS JOB!

So yah, my week has been rough. And let us not forget the drama that comes from Facebook. Like I said, petty crap. But in all honesty, it is my petty crap. It sucks, and I don't have to feel bad about feeling crappy over such stupid stuff. It's my own demons and I need to work them out for me and my family. I can't do that if I am constantly on Facebook getting annoyed and irritated by every little thing that doesn't matter. So I deactivated my account for now. I don't know when I will be back but I know I will be back. If you can understand that, I thank you. If you can't, I'm sorry you will still have to deal with it. I just hope to be welcomed back, when outside me comes back.

Fun Photo Friday

My kids are tres chic! Or so they think! I love posting pics of their outfit choices... most of which are picked out solely on their own with very little influence from mom, or anyone else for that matter.

Here is what we have seen since school started last week:

501!!!!!

WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! My last blog post was #500!!! Way to go me :)

Usually when someone hits a blogging mile stone they give something away. However, because I am not your usual blogger (cause I suck at keeping up with it) I am asking YOU to give ME something.

Kidding! Well sort of! Leave a comment on this 501st blog post and let me know what your favorite past post of mine is. If you haven't read many... you've got some catching up to do. And if you have read them all, but forget which is your favorite... skim through them and I bet one jumps out at you.

Also, don't forget to check out my other blog listed on the left side over there &lt;--- it's called You're a Poet and Didn't Know It. It's got a whole bunch of cheesy poems on it, and some pretty good ones too. Did you know I recently hit 70 posts over there??? And trust me, there is WAY more crap to post over there that will be sure to have you doubled over from laughter at my patheticness. Just bare in mind that I wrote a lot between the ages of 12 and 15 when I thought my world would end if boyfriend of the week broke up with me.

Anyway, for those that have been here all along, thanks for sticking with me. For the newbies, welcome aboard! And hold on, it's sure to be a bumpy ride :)

*Edited to add that THIS is blog number 500 HAHA! I already wrote tomorrow's blog post which made me think this was 501... ok, back to your regularly scheduled normalness*

Dear Kadie Bug,

From the moment I found out I was pregnant with you, I hoped and prayed you weren't a boy. I had my hands full enough with one boy and one girl and I knew I couldn't handle two boys back to back. You HAD to be a girl, for my own sanity.

Lexi told me from the get go that you were a girl. She seemed to have a knack for knowing these things. Not too much later, an ultrasound confirmed it. You were in fact a girl. I couldn't have been happier. Yet I occasionally had this overwhelming feeling that you were a boy and that the ultrasound was wrong.

I was scheduled to be induced the morning of Sept 15th. You weren't due until the 29th but daddy was leaving for Georgia and we wanted him to spend some time with you when you were born. On our way to the hospital I had a mini panic attack. I was afraid that you were going to in fact be a boy and we did NOT have any boy names picked out. I think I scribbled down Kyle and Lucas, just in case.

The labor and delivery was pretty uneventful, much like Lexi's and Jacob's. There was no high speed driving to get to the hospital, like with Sara and no mommy yelling at doctors and nurses that the baby was coming, like with Adam. It was pretty normal and we were so excited when you were finally born 12hrs after arriving at the hospital.

Aunt April brought Lexi and Jacob to see you. Jacob instantly fell in love but Lexi was another story. She didn't like you... not one bit! She wanted nothing to do with you, or with me. I don't think she smiled for days. I bet she was just afraid you were gonna be the princess now and she would be forgotten. But that didn't happen. At least, we didn't forget about her.

You, however, are a little princess. Middle child syndrome does not hold you down. You know what you want and you know how to get it. You are a diva. You are a rock star. You are smart, and beautiful, and funny, and a tom boy! You've proven to me that it doesn't matter if you are a boy or a girl you can do it all and you can be it all.

I love you to pieces, Kaydence BreAnne! Don't you ever change! Happy 7th Birthday!

Blogging is an Outlet

Apparently I haven't had much to let out in this last year. Since the beginning of 2011 I have only posted 13 blogs... 9 of which have been this month.

I think I need to get back to blogging with discipline. It really is a great outlet and it keeps my brain working. The more crap I post, the more good stuff will come out as well. I may not always entertain you with my rambling, I may not always invoke some emotion but I will be doing something that I love.

Ever since I can remember, I have used writing as a way to get things out. I don't necessarily do it for other people, but for myself. It keeps me from going completely insane. Holding everything in just makes me crazy... er, crazier. We all know I'm not the sanest person.

Anyway, I hope you stick around to see what I have to say... and if you don't, that's okay too. I will still come back here and say what I need to say. The good, the bad, the ugly... this will be my outlet.

Retail Therapy

Today has just been a blah kind of day. I wasn't feeling very well... I didn't want to sit at home but I also didn't want to go do anything. Sara twisted my arm though and made me go to Starbucks.

I ordered a Venti Skinny Caramel Macchiato. Yes, it was a venti kind of day. And she ordered a Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate (which she didn't like). I also enjoyed a slice of Banana Chocolate Chip Coffee Cake which was heaven on a plate! Mmmm. Sara decided on a Rocky Road Cake Pop but they were out. She was so bummed and it took her like 3 minutes (while others were behind us in line) to pick out something else. She finally decided on the Birthday Cake Pop (the pink one with white dots) and the nice barista gave her two since they were out of the other one. This made her happy!

We left Starbucks and went over to Walmart for some retail therapy. Yelm is so small that Wally World is pretty much our only option for all around shopping. I was on the lookout for a pair of brown boots for Kadie. I knew we had seen some there when I took all the kids shopping with me one day so I decided I would look again. Of course I couldn't find anything in her size. They had 11's and they had 1's but finding 12's or 13's was not happening. I ended up getting her a pair of size 12 black Hello Kitty boots and gave up on the brown boots. I had just bought new boots for Lexi so she was all set and Sara found a super cute pair of pink sparkly Ugg-style boots.

I knew I wanted to look for the boys too, so we walked over to the next aisle. You know there is never a big enough selection of shoes (or clothes or anything else) for boys. However, they did have the cutest brown & camouflage cowboy boots AND they had ONE pair in Adam's size. There wasn't hardly anything for bigger boys, so I went with a pair of tan work boots for Jacob.

As I was walking away I noticed a brown pair of boots sitting on the bench seat where you can sit to try on shoes. They were the exact ones I was wanting to get Kadie but they didn't have her size. Luck would have it that THESE were a size 13! (Lucky 13?!). I'm not usually that lucky. Then we saw some clearance shoes where they had these leopard print slip ons... also in a size 13 for $3. I couldn't pass them up, so I snagged those too!

There went an easy 100 bucks on shoes for the ever growing children. This comes after scouring Ebay for rain boots for the kids and spending about $100 there too. I am thinking my kids are set on boots for awhile... at least I hope so. I, err, the check book can't handle another growth spurt right now. We need to save some money for our movie addiction LoL just kidding... sorta :p

Speaking of that... I spotted the $5 movie bin and had to check it out. I was just talking about wanting to find Dante's Peak and hoping I'd find it in that bin. I have a love/hate relationship with that bin. On one hand, it's great! They put some great older movies in there and sometimes double, and even quadruple, features. And they are cheap dvd's. On the other hand, it sucks! You can't really look through it because it is pretty much overflowing and you seem to pull out the same movie over and over again. And then you find more and more and more you WANT to buy and could easily spend a small fortune in 10 minutes.

I didn't find what I was looking for but I did find a Mask double feature... The Mask and The Son of the Mask for only $5. I also found a Dumb & Dumber double feature... the first movie and the second movie... sweet! Then I let Sara get a movie since she said she didn't like what I picked out. She went with Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. I have never seen it but they love Coraline and Alice in Wonderland and I think they have seen The Nightmare Before Christmas. So I be they will like this one too. Sara seemed pretty excited about it.

I also got some groceries while I was there but still need to get some meat for the next month. I could drive 45 minutes to the nearest Sam's Club or I could see if the local Safeway is having their BOGO meat sale. I guess I could always see if the neighbor is making a trip to Costco any time soon and check that out. I don't know.

What do I know? Tomorrow is payday and I will be getting in some more retail therapy some way, some how. And there will likely be a trip to Starbucks because dammit if it isn't 1/2 a mile from my house.

Another Year, Another September 11th

I spent the day yesterday doing laundry, watching Grey's Anatomy & NCIS Los Angeles and catching a little bit of football. The kids did their chores and played outside. John made me breakfast, the kids had lunch and then they had dinner at the table while John and I ate in front of the tv.

I thought that yesterday should have been something more. Ten years ago there was a horrific tragedy placed upon our country that anyone old enough to remember, does. I do remember. It does break my heart. But yesterday felt like just another day.

I had hoped to use the 10 yr anniversary as a teaching point for my kids. My oldest is going on 11, so she was a baby when 9-11 happened. My kids have watched World Trade Center (the movie) and we briefly talked about it being based on real events but I am not sure that they know this is the reason why their dad has to go off to war and may be doing so in just a few short months.

While yesterday didn't bring some big emotional wave across our family, I do plan on some time this week sitting down with the kids and talking about it. There was a movie that John recorded for the kids not too long ago about 9-11 so we will probably watch that. And we will also tell them that Daddy might be deploying in December (although it was confirmed, now they are back peddling).

We do remember. We will never forget. There will always be a broken piece of our hearts for those victims of the 9-11 attacks but please don't judge if we live our normal lives for our children. I'd prefer they live in their own little blissful bubble like I try to do. We will tell them what happened and why, but we won't try to scare them. Tragedy is plastered all over the news and the internet that that is all some people can think of. We prefer not to live that way.

God bless the families of the lives lost that Tuesday in September. Remember to kiss your loved ones, tell them you love them and live for today.