Saturday, March 28, 2015

Teen Boys

They say teen girls are worse than teen boys. Girls are moody, tempermental, they get their periods, they can get pregnant, they like boys, they are just weird. Well, let me tell you, I would raise a thousand girls if I didn't have to raise any teen boys. 

I can handle the periods, and the mood swings, and the attitude, and the hormones, and the liking boys. But boys, boys are disgusting! There are layers upon layers of disgusting that comes with teen boys. 

I'm not talking the pick your nose and eat your boogers kind of disgusting. I'm not talking about the gunk between their toes grossness. I'm not talking about the belching and the farting, either... believe me, my boys don't hold a candle to my girls when it comes to those bodily functions. 

I am talking about the lack of showering. They promise to shower in the morning but they don't get up on time and end up running out the door in the clothes they slept in. They forget to brush their teeth. They forget to put on deodorant. They forget to put socks on. They come home and they just stink to high heavens. No amount of body spray will even cover it up. Then they still have to practically be forced to get in the shower. The next step would be hosing them down in the backyard because every inch of their body is growing something nasty and it's going straight to my nose. 

I am talking about the food they stuff in their faces. It doesn't matter what it looks like. It doesn't matter how old it is. It can be slathered in 12 different condiments, have bee dropped on the floor, and left out all night and they would still eat it. No concoction is off limits. If it's food, it's edible. And then they shovel it in their mouths like they haven't eaten in months. They are worse than toddlers at lunch time. 

Then there is the most disgusting thing of all. I am talking about the changes. The puberty changes. The hormones. The obsession with sex. They figure out what happens when Willy gets hard. They figure out what to do about it. They want to know how to do other things and it's disgusting. As adults, we just see it as normal, every day kind of stuff. And when we were younger sex wasn't as easy to come by. If we wanted to be naughty we had to find our parent's porn magazine stash under their beds or their dirty dice in their closets. Now, all teens have to do is turn on the computer and search for nude pictures and sex videos. We can even turn on all the parental settings but these disgusting, albeit smart, boys will find a way around that. Did you know you can still find bikini and underwear models via Google with all the parental settings turned on? Yeah, I found that out the hard way. 

So yeah, boys are gross. Girls might be moody and like these disgusting boys but give me a teen girl over a teen boy any day. I can handle that. I can even handle little boys that like to dig for worms and shove beads up their noses. I cannot handle my precious baby boy going through those hormonal changes, though. Give me the dirty little boy back, not the dirty teen that lives under my roof now. 

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