Saturday, May 3, 2008

How Does He Know?

It doesn't matter how big of a smile I put on.

It doesn't matter how much pep I put into my voice.

It doesn't matter that I just called to tell him he has mail here.

It doesn't matter how hard I try to act like I'm fine... he still knows when I'm not.

How does he know? He has only known me for about 8 years. He used to live with us. My kids adore him. He doesn't think to highly of me. Yet he is always the first one to ask me if I'm ok.

He offered to come by for a little while one night out of the blue. I agreed; it was nice to have some adult company again. Why did he offer to come over? He heard something in my voice that was screaming for help. How? I was upbeat... I was smiling, laughing, joking. I never made any indication that I was stressed or anything. Could have been the screaming kids in the background but he claims he just heard it in my voice, he had an inclination that something was wrong. He just knew I needed to escape parenthood, if only for a couple of hours.

Now what made me type this blog is because he has done it again. The dogs were whining, they had gotten out of the backyard numerous times this evening, and were trying to get back out. I couldn't find them when I went to bring them in, so I gave him a call. He didn't answer and I was too stressed to go back to sleep.

I was thinking that I couldn't handle all of this... the kids are always stressing me, never listening, running around like maniacs all the time... the dogs are pretty much the same. So yah, I've got SEVEN of those things driving me crazy.

I had just went to bed shortly after midnight and the dogs woke me at 115am. Why? Because the kids hadn't interrupted my sleep tomight? I'm a cranky witch when I haven't had my sleep and it doesn't help I've stopped taking my meds (I don't think they were working) and apparently that is the way I am supposed to be... I'm not allowed to have any decent amount of uninterrupted sleep. It just wouldn't be fair for the kids to have a well rested mom.

I digress... I give Scott a call to let them know I couldn't find the dogs, thought they were in the neighbor's yard, not sure how they got out again. I'm pretty sure I rambled my way through that message as I had just woken up. He called back and asked me about 15 times if I was sure I was alright... I tried to assure him I was but I'm not sure I actually convinced him.

I was literally in the midst of writing a blog bitching about the dogs and the kids and how I just can't handle all of this crap. He is kinda creepin' me out. No matter how hard I try he can always still tell when I'm not having a good day/night or am stressed, etc. How the heck does he know? It totally baffles me. My husband's cousin can read me, between the lines of course.

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